Hey guys

I saw yalls ad in The Paisano a while back and I didn't think I needed much in the way of advice then, but that was then and this is now. Anyway, my problem is that I'm in a bit of a love rut. I met a girl a while back, and we had been dating for quite a few months. It's been a really rocky road (her favorite ice cream by the way) but we were still totally smitten with each other and very much in love. We recently broke up after one of our all to frequent arguments and have had little contact with each other since. It's been rough to say the least, but like the song says, " if it ain't rough then it just ain't no fun". The thing is that now that we're apart, I kind of feel like I didn't know her as well as I thought. She was extremely secretive about her past and past relationships and got easily annoyed when I brought it up. In the several months that we dated we spent a lot of time together, but I never once went to her home. All of this made me very uncomfortable, but I stuck it out because I thought it would change. It never did. Our last argument was just the straw that broke the camel's back I guess. I miss her a lot, but I don't know if I should keep trying or if it's even possible.

Bee: Dear Pissed Off Lover,
We are sorry that you are having to go through this. While I am glad that you are at least thinking about the future, it may be a good idea, to talk to your girl about this. Have you thought that maybe she is being secretive about her past relationship because it definitely a subject she does not want to bring up?

Lee: Hey, POL (pissed off lover) I would like to elaborate on Bee's comment. She's right, maybe she does not want to bring it up because that relationship might have been pretty traumatic. She may love you a lot and even though the relationship involves the two of you, she may not want to share that type of pain with you. Anyway, you know how you guys are, always wanting to fix situations when that's not really what is needed. Look, POL, if you really think this relationship is worth it and don't want to lose her you need to talk to her and ask her if she really wants you back. The both of you need to value and appreciate each other and for that you both also need to know that during arguments usually both are right AND wrong. Compromise. Make her meet you half way. But also be responsible enough to admit faults and say "sorry". Maybe the more you pushed the subject, the farther she drove those issues away. If you know that she really loves you, you know you can trust her and in the end you will look back and think "wow, this was really worth it." Actually, POL, I have a feeling she loves you very much, and I have a strong feeling you love her a lot as well, otherwise you wouldn't be trying to salvage it by writing to us. Just be patient. And since you're one to quote songs, have you heard the one that says "Tell me, are you patient, understanding? 'Cause I might need some time to clear the hole in my heart and I've tried every remedy and nothing seems to work for me. Baby, this situation's driving me crazy. And I really wanna be your lady, but the one before you left me so damaged..." and if you don't, it's Damaged by Danity Kane. Listen to it.

P.S.- your girl would really like it if you surprised her with some of that ice cream. It would be like laughing at the bad times during the rocky road and knowing you have each other all the way to the end, and we mean the end of the pint of ice cream and the end of yalls rocky road and starting a more paved one from that point onwards.


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